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Unexpected kindness
Very recently I was going through a really difficult time. It was emotionally draining and upset me extensively. I found kindness, concern and genuine sincerity sometimes comes from the most unexpected source. My friends were supportive, which was no surprise. I couldn't turn to my family in this case, but I know that they would support me through pretty much anything. The source from which I received compassion was a big surprise to me and I will never ever see that person in the same way. I used to think that this person was a pompous ass, but have found that I was wrong about that. I didn't actually make a snap judgement about this person (which would be the natural assumption), but have judged them by actions (Ed: I shouldn't be judging at all, should I?). It's all a front though, for someone who has a loud bark, but a tiny heart. I need to stop judging - that would be the primary lesson. The secondary? Sometimes you can't always judge a book by it's contents either, you need to read between the lines. Other than that I have joined the church choir. I enjoy it immensely. Choir practices only start next week, so I haven't had to start sacrificing my Thursday evenings yet. That will be the real test. |
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Excited!
I'm super excited! Maybe prematurely so, but super excited none the less. Rudi and I were planning to go away for the weekend for our anniversary. It falls on a long weekend, so we thought it would be perfect. After hunting around a bit...it seemed hopeless. Accomodation alone would cost us about R2000 and then it's most likely a Bed & Breakfast where we wouldn't have ultimate privacy and the only meal that is included is breakfast (of course). Discovering this we decided not to go away. We decided we would rather use the R2000 to do things (like attend a cheese festival that is happening that weekend or going up Table Mountain) than sit around in a pretty room without any money to spend. Rudi did ask his parents if we could use their time share (they gave us our honeymoon from their time share - which was lovely) again. Originally they wanted to go as a family (Mom, Dad, Rudi, Rudi's sister and I) somewhere in May. I was disgruntled as it was for our first anniversary and I wanted to get away alone. Also the timing wouldn't be right. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth though and go with them anyway - just for a break. Rudi's dad phoned us on Saturday - He had booked us into a place in Knysna for the weekend. Just the two of us. Still in May, but just the two of us! Not only that...but I've ALWAYS wanted to go to Knysna. It is really beautiful there. I can't wait to go there! Now we just need to save up our spending money. It's going to be GREAT! |
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Self Deprecation
I wonder sometimes why I am so self deprecating of the things I achieve in life. People would praise me for something I've done and I'd wonder if they're mad or being patronizing. For example, when I quit smoking I only struggled slightly for about 2 or 3 days. After that, it was a breeze. I was actually disappointed. It is made such a big deal of and people really struggle to do it. Because it was so easy for me, I felt like I hadn't really achieved anything. People would tell me that they are proud of me and I would brush it off as nothing. Achievements at work have also been tainted by this attitude. In the past year I've been recognized and singled out at least 3 times for excellent work, but I don't really feel as proud as I think I should. Leeza, being the friend that she is, often reminds me that I have done well and that she is proud of me for quitting smoking, etc. This should boost my self esteem greatly and make me feel incredible, but it doesn't. Perhaps I am so hard on myself because the one thing that I really want to achieve is so elusive to me. Perhaps I am being extremely unfair on myself by downplaying everything I do because I seem unable to achieve this one thing. So many other people fail at it, but then there are people that are very successful at it. I must say that I am genetically predisposed to fail at losing weight, my very DNA is not on my side. I need to remind myself that it doesn't suck to me. |
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Leave
So last week I had a week's leave with Rudi. We made a point of going out and doing something every day. Except for the Friday...we decided to chill. Monday we went to Jimmy's Killer Prawns. They have a special on Monday where you can eat as many prawns as you like for R89.00. Rudi ate about 72 before he couldn't anymore. I don't eat seafood at all (just calamari and hake), but I went with because I knew how much he would enjoy it. Tuesday we went to butterfly world. It was lovely. You actually walk between the butterflies, they flit around you. They have little boards with facts about butterflies all around. In a seperate area they have a room full of spider displays. Most of them big and hairy. That made me so uncomfortable that I felt sick when I left the spider room. Luckily you had to walk back through the butterflies to get out...and they cheered me up a bit. Here are some pictures:
On Wednesday we went to the V & A Waterfront I wanted to go there specifically to try out Häagen-Dazs® ice cream. It sure is yummy! (and expensive!) It comes highly recommended by various people. On Thursday we went to Cavendish in Claremont. We were meant to go to the restaurant that is owned by a family friend, but nobody could tell us exactly where it was and we couldn't find it. We did, however, find Gourmet Burger which is co-owned by a work aquaintance of mine. I've been meaning to go there forever, but I never get out that way. We had lunch there. I had a blue cheese burger. DELICIOUS! On Friday night Rudi went to Jehan's bachelor party. I just chilled at home...which wasn't too bad. I managed to finish the book my grandfather bought me for Christmas. On Sunday we went to Aunty Mona and Uncle Dan's 50th wedding anniversary. (FIFTIETH....SHEESH!), it was very nice. They really do set a good example...we had champagne and snacks, the works. They always make sure that their guests are entertained when they visit. There is always a platter out with sweets and chips and chocolates, drinks of your choice. No dieting in that house I tell you So it's been back to work since yesterday. Work yesterday was really hectic and I didn't have a chance to blog, but at least I got a moment today. Inspired by a colleague I ran into at church on Sunday, I've decided to start singing in the church choir again. I've been meaning to do it since I've gone back to church, but I have honestly been too lazy and unwilling to sacrifice my Thursday evenings for choir practice. I reckon that it will help me practice my voice for this singing thing I have to do at Nadia's wedding. I might even get some help from the choir master...if I ask him nicely. Turns out the guy I'm singing the duet with is in Johannesburg. We won't have an opportunity to practice together until the night before the wedding. Eish. Wish me luck! |
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Oh dear
Friends of ours have asked me to sing for their wedding. For some weird reason...I said yes. O.M.G. They don't just want any song....they want "All I ask of you" by Cliff Richard and Sara Brightman. That's one high pitched song. The person I might be singing with may be living in Johannesburg so we may not have time to practice together as they'll come down the day before the wedding. Did I mention I get terrible stage fright? Even at Karaoke evenings where my audience is drunk? Fuck. What have I done. |
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GRRR
FFS. I am SO pissed off with Rudi it's not funny. He went fishing with Neighbour Man yesterday while I was at work. That was great. I'm glad he got out and did something fun while he could....but then that spilled over into the evening. Sometime yesterday afternoon Rudi sends me an SMS telling me we're going to have a braai. Not asking me if I would like to have one, telling me. He knows I do not like these people and I do not like spending time with them. Could he give a fuck? Apparently not. I immediately phoned him and told him that I'm not going to braai. I know it always gets late with them. They are all on leave and I had to get up at 05:30 this morning. Could he give a fuck? Apparently not. Peter called me and said he was coming to my side of the world to have his hair done and that he'd pop by. Rudi had obviously told Neighbour Man that I didn't want to come...who then sauntered over and decided he'd try and put me on a guilt trip. I told him that I'm expecting a guest and that I would come over for a drink if he left early enough. I thought Peter was my saving grace. After he had his hair done we came home and I showered and he dried my hair for me...always nice to have it done for you. He left at about 9PM. That was late enough for me to object and I was already in my pyjamas anyway. Shortly after Peter left Slutty Neighbour (Neighbour Man's wife) came over and begged me to come over. More guilt. Rudi has a way of making me look like the bad guy. Or the party pooper. Balls. So I agreed to go over for one drink, in my pyjamas. So Rudi and them decide, instead of putting the meat on the fire, they're going to put more wood on After rushing that drink off I excused myself, immediately SMS'ing Rudi that he should come home so that we can go sleep. This was 11PM. Already WAY past my bed time. I was knackered. Luckily for Rudi I was knackered enough to fall asleep without him there. He creeped into the house at....give it a guess? 1AM. Does he give a fuck? Apparently not. He woke me up...and inevitably there was a shouting match. I was feeling slightly sick...not only because I was upset, but I suspect that the brandy took it's toll on my stomach as well. I'm tired. Today after work we have to go to Kevin and Taryn's wedding. I hope Rudi can think of something to redeem himself before then...I'm not in the mood to be moody with him in front of people, but I'm also not in the mood to budge first. He always gets away with this kind of shit.
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. I rushed my drink, but then they hauled out a million photo albums which I was obliged to look at and Rudi insisted that Neighbour Man pour me another drink.
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Blogging?
Better make the best of blogging while I still have a few minutes at work. The main application that we work on is busted so we can't work right now. It's great to get a break, but the work is piling up as we speak...so it's not so great either. I'm feeling so tired. My sleeping pattern has been messed up. When I got home yesterday I was so tired I just fell asleep...napped for about 1 and a half hours. Last night I stayed up late again, which I shouldn't have. This morning I only woke up at 06:10...I start work at 7:00. Having Rudi snuggled up next to me doesn't help either, makes me want to just stay in bed. I'm pooped today...and will probably want to sleep again this afternoon.
Ok...I'm just wasting internet space now. Gonna go! |
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- I can't remember the last time I felt like this
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