My Evil Mother
*surprised face*
Yesterday My Evil Mother phones me...she wants to come over, she wants to see me. Blah Blah Blah. Now that I'm rid of her, the last thing I want is her knocking on my door all the time. I want my life back the way it was two weeks ago. She still had to pick up the stuff she left behind so I told her to come and fetch it. She was crying and saying she needed me etc...and I kept on trying to bring across that I want to be left alone. At the end of the conversation she "threatens me" with the Apostle (she's going to tell him about this blah blah blah). She pitches up to fetch her stuff with our house priest in tow. The intention was obviously to make me feel guilty again and to play the victim and make me seem like an unfeeling bitch. Her plan backfired on her horribly. The priest said exactly what I needed him to say. He told her in no uncertain terms that he doesn't think she should live with us. He said as much as she needs help, he needs to preserve our marriage too. Again some lies came to the fore. Her stories didn't match up. She changed the story about paying the removal company that has been withholding her furniture. She told us she had to pay them R500 a month, then she told the priest last night it's R500 a week. *sigh* Then she wonders why I have trust issues. I was so damn chuffed with that  Then my stepdad showed up...and that wasn't pretty. It was quite uncomfortable, but everyone escaped unscathed. Anyway...I better go work now. Ciao.
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Good News
Good News everyone, My Evil Mother left on Friday. Predictably she couldn't pay, so she left. I'm surprised she left with so little fuss. I didn't have to ask her to leave, she knew she had to. That was pretty cool. The days preceeding that she was nice enough not to abuse the situation and our resources. She did, however, last night want to come over because Coke Head's mother was apparently drunk and being abusive towards her. I told her we weren't home, though. We were recovering from the party we had on Saturday and just wanted to have some time alone. She didn't intervene, but phoned me awake in the afternoon and annoyed me by asking me a billion questions. I hate it when she starts asking me questions...it feels like she's trying to gather information that she can use against me. Maybe I'm just paranoid. Also, Rudi was clever enough not to pack all her stuff up, now she has a reason to come back to fetch it. Ugh! We had an awesome Halloween party on Saturday. We wanted to go and rent costumes at Sue Farmer. Peter phoned them during the week and they said they'll be open till 3 on Saturday. When we got there they had already closed at 1:30. We were quite pissed off, but we managed to make great costumes! The photos are available on my Facebook profile
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Housemate
It all happened so quickly. On Tuesday Karin started phoning me and badgering me saying that my mother needs a place to stay and that she has no space for her. I kept telling her no. Something which I am not good at doing. I repeatedly said no. Eventually she and My Evil Mother showed up at my doorstep. I feel that Rudi and I were pushed into a corner where we had absolutely no choice but to take her in. I cried....I cried hard. Everything in my being and fibre told me this is a mistake and I shouldn't be doing this. The first night she was supposed to stay (because it ABSOLUTELY HAD TO BE THAT night) - she stayed with the boyfriend (and his mother and father) because they would 'lend her the car until she finds a place closer to work' - which takes a load off me. The second night she brought all her stuff and ended up sleeping by Karin (who has no place for her). Last night she again slept over somewhere else. She hasn't eaten, showered or slept at my house yet, which suits me fine. If she doesn't give us R1 000 by close of business today she needs to leave. This is a condition she's been made aware of that is non-negotiable. So hopefully she'll have to leave today. Clearly she won't go without refuge - she hasn't for the past three nights. When it initially happened it felt like it was the end of the world for me. I felt like the rug was being pulled from beneath my feet and that my wonderful life that I had created for myself without her had been stolen from me. To a certain extent I still feel that way. I have however decided not too be angry and fight. Not to waste my energy and upset myself every day while she's there. She seems to be finding ways to spend time away from where we live - which is great and helps me sleep at night. I do however feel that this may have been brought across my path for reasons I need to understand. I need to have the wisdom to see these reasons. While My Evil Mother is at a distance I can turn her into any kind of monster I want to. I can rant and rave about her. I can keep my distance and build her up to be the most evil bitch on this earth. Having her literally in my face humanizes her a bit and may make it easier for me to forgive her. I need to put this into perspective. I need to forgive her so that I can be forgiven and I have been struggling with this more than anything else in my spiritual life. With departed service on Sunday I need this on a spiritual level in order to guide these people that have recently passed on. I am, however, dreading the weekend. She doesn't have to go and work the weekend and I don't want to spend my weekends with her hanging around. Don't worry. I still don't trust her as far as I can throw her and I won't let her take advantage of me. Other than that I'm going from strength to strength at work. Things are going really well on that front. Hope everyone else is doing well
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Christian Guilt
I went to church last night for the first time in a while. I justified my absence to myself repeatedly. I am told that I will only be forgiven as I forgive...so I'm not really being forgiven am I? I haven't forgiven my mother and I am finding it harder and harder to do so as she constantly abuses the good will of others and spins a web of lies that spiderman himself would envy. Even though I got to bed quite late last night (which would usually cause me to be grumpy) I was in a good mood this morning. I felt energised and awake. Has the guilt of not attending church been lifted from my shoulders? This guilt I feel everytime I miss out on a service? My grandfather was a priest and is now retired. Him and my grandmother are humble, faithful and devout. I respect them very much, but I am shamed by their shining example. They are so happy when I attend service - not in a creepy way, they are genuinely happy. They feel that I am not going to be left behind on the day of judgement when I make an effort to go to church and this relieves them. My Evil Mother was in church last night. As much as I was avoiding the messages she was sending me (free messages she doesn't even pay for that say 'Please call me' mind you) I could not avoid her in this instance. I walked into church and went to sit with my grandfather (he sits near the front)....My Evil Mother came up behind me and hugged me (choking me) and kissing me. I told her to stop making a scene and sit down. My grandfather turned around and said to me "You should really learn to have compassion and be forgiving. Don't say anything, just think about it". He is right. He is definitely right, everybody should be compassionate and forgiving. Then we sang a hymn that had the words "God help me for I am weak" - he pointed to the words and said "This is for me". Like I said, humble. After church My Evil Mother practically ignored me and only took a breath to say that she was sending the police to Karin's house. I DON'T CARE AND DON'T WANT TO KNOW AND DON'T WANT TO BE INVOLVED FOR PETE'S SAKE! Stupid cow. My inner struggle today is simple. I don't see why I have to feel guilty for not forgiving her (and be 'punished' as I am not forgiven by the same measure) and not being compassionate when I have done her no harm. She is the one that has hurt me and continues to hurt my family and I'm the one that is supposed to feel guilty???? If she gets her life sorted out and truly repents and stops her evil ways, I will then be able to start the process of healing and forgiveness. DAMNIT!
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The Update
Wow. Where do I start? The looooonnnggg awaiting update on My Evil Mother. I can't even think what the last thing was I wrote about her. She had me in tears yesterday. I hate being so affected by her actions. I've got to start somewhere...so...she's divorced from my step dad now. They were legally divorced shortly after my wedding. My step dad didn't walk away with much - except a ton of debt. Possibly more than mine. Probably more than mine. I feel so sorry for him, although he seems MUCH happier now. I still see him. He comes to visit me sometimes and stays for quite long and talks a lot. I think he's a bit lonely. They were together for something like 13 years - it's a long time and being alone must be a huge adjustment for him. Not too long after the divorce she ditched Boarder Man. Shortly after that she begged my step dad to take her back, but he refused. Smart man. She then jumped into the dating scene...briefly saw one or two guys and ended up with Coke Head. Coke Head is a bullshitter of note. Sadly, I think they deserve each other to a certain extent. They get each other - and I think that's a dangerous thing. She's been milking everybody but me for money. Been selling off her possessions and currently living with Coke Head and his mother (she got kicked out of her previous residence for non payment - SURPRISE!!!!) I've been repeatedly telling the people giving her money that they are stupid. They are fully aware of what she put me through, but somehow she STILL manages to manipulate them. She's good. She's REALLY good. People may fail to understand how it is possible that she does this...but believe me, she does and she does it VERY well. My grandparents are continuous victims of this treachery. This past week she has gotten over R2000 out of them. First she told my grandfather that she is starting a job on Monday and that she DESPERATELY needs groceries - she will just go and buy the 'bare necessities' and will have her first week's salary paid into his account* to guarantee he gets his money back. This was last Friday night. She phones him to come to the Pick 'n Pay as she has finished her shopping and he can come and pay now. R1600!!!! She had bought a game (the UNO card game), chips (crisps), dip, the most expensive shampoo on the market...etc. etc. I knew it would happen. This is her modus operandi. I have fallen for this before. I warned him, but as a parent I suppose he felt obligated to 'help' her. On Saturday she was stopped at a petrol station that she had apparently previously thrown petrol in at and not paid. They recognized her and threatened to call the authorities unless they immediately get the R300 she owes them. Guess who she called? My grandfather. Guess what he did? He bailed her out. He called me first and I told him to let them arrest her, but he didn't want to jeopardize the "new job" - if it even exists. On Tuesday night she woke me up with a phone call asking for someone's number...claiming she wanted to ask them a question about their previous job....and telling me that she's starting a new job the next day (already the facts don't match. She told my grandfather that she's starting a job on Monday and tells me she's starting on Wednesday). I gave her the number and didn't think about it again until the next day... I was speaking to my grandfather and he told me that he had lent her ANOTHER R500 on Wednesday night...and at the same time the person who's number she asked for IM'd me to tell me she had called for a dealer's number. R500 is just enough for 2 grams of coke from that dealer. I am FUCKED off with her for taking advantage of my grandparents in this way. My grandmother has learnt to be SO thrifty with money that she could have fed herself and my grandfather for a month on R500. I decided it was time to tell my grandfather the facts about Coke Head and what happened to his HARD EARNED money. He was so disappointed and promised me he wouldn't give her money again. I hope it's true. She is going to rot in hell. I hope she rots in jail before she rots in hell. * The last time she had his bank details she signed up for services and pretended the bank account belonged to my step dad. The debit orders where charged to my grandfather's account.
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Get the message, really
My mother has been irritating me to no end. Yesterday she calls me: Me: Hello Her: What you doing tonight? Me: Um...Uh...I'm sure Rudi has something planned for us Her: Oh we (her and the new beau) wanted you to come braai. I'll supply all the food - you just bring the wood Me: I'm pretty sure Rudi has something planned for us Her: What does he have planned? Me: Uh...Um...I'm not sure, but I'm sure there is something. I'm working early tommorrow so we're not staying out late. Her: Can I call him and ask him? Me: (oh fuck) Um...Ok. Her: If he's OK with it, are you ok with it? Me: Um. I guess so Her: What time do you finish work? Me: *sigh* 3 (what's with the spanish inquisition?!) *click* I frantically try to get hold of Rudi to tell him to tell her no...but he's not answering his phone. I SMS him - he misses her call too. By the time I get hold of him - he has missed her call and he says he does have something planned for us anyway - his father wanted him to come over and weld something - so we're going there. Great. Perfect excuse. While we're at my in laws - she calls again: Her: So where are you? Me: At Rudi's parents house Her: So you can't come here when you're done? Me: No. I'm working early tomorrow Her: Oh right. Ok. Well bye then. Me: Bye Ok. Leave me alone already. So we got home pretty early. We'd taken out a movie to watch. While we're watching the movie she calls again! Her: Hi, just drop by here when you're on your way home. I have some clothes here for you - ready to go. Me: Ok I'll do that. Obviously I didn't go...I went to sleep rather early last night since I'm working early this morning...and at 10PM last night she phones AGAIN! She woke me up, so I ignored the call, switched off my phone and Rudi's phone and tried to go back to sleep, although she seriously disrupted my sleep and I struggled for a long time after that. Why can't she just GET THE MESSAGE?!?!
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O_o
She never ceases to amaze me. I wish she would give me a pleasant surprise for a change. Yesterday morning my stepdad phoned me and told me my mother has R500 for me to pay for the oustanding water bill as per the agreement with the owner of the house we previously lived in. He said she will call me to discuss method of payment (i.e. cash or electronic transfer) She does then phone me and has 101 excuses as to why she can't pay me. I said to her that there is an agreement in place and the man needs to be paid. She says she'll phone him and explain the situation to him. She phones me back later and tells me that she's phoned him and he says it's ok. I e-mail him to find out if she really did call him. I sent him the following mail: Good day
I trust that you are well. I spoke to my mother this morning in connection with the agreement we made to pay off the water bill. She says she has spoken to you and I want to make sure that this is the case. I am also going to have her sign an agreement and will make her pay the money to me and I will transfer the money to you to make sure that she does in fact pay you as it has happened in the past where she says she has made payment and she has not. Please confirm that she has spoken to you. Kind Regards He replied: Hi
Yes she did phone me and asked me to understand her situation - the problem as I have said to her is that her track record says the opposite where she has cheated us both big time in the past. Apparently she has only started with a new job now and will only get payment towards the end of the month and is living in Bloekombos - you might be able to tell whether this just adds to the lies of the past - however let us give her a last chance but as you can imagine my patience is really running out. Kind regards I replied: Hi Nick She has recently started a new job that I can confirm. As to whether or not she’s received payment, I have no idea. As to her current living situation – I’m not 100% sure about where she is living at the moment. I understand that you have no faith in her, neither do I, honestly. I do feel however that it is time she stepped up and paid her dues. You know that I will do my best to settle with you wherever I can. I’m going to do my utmost to get her to pay though. I will see to it that you get your money some way or another, but I don’t want her to know that I am once again solving the problem and she gets off bearing no consequences. I am also dealing with her husband at the moment, hoping that he can help me to get her to pay ASAP. I will keep you informed. Kind Regards For those not in the know, Bloekombos is a squatter camp. She is SUCH a liar. I phoned my stepdad and told him about this. He was furious. He's still going to try to make a plan to get the money to me. He said he's going to come drink coffee at my house after I'm finished work today to chat. I hope he brings the money with.
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